The Contradiction: Dependency Breaks Chains

Posted: August 6, 2013 in Christianity, faith, God, Jesus Christ, Uncategorized
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It would come on suddenly…the migraine headaches, the palpitations, the squeezing pains in my chest.  Occasionally at first. You know–when I was out of my comfort zone.   Speaking in front of a crowd,  writing this blog,  any monumental change.  A twinge of anxiety that would assert  it’s presence and disappear as quickly as it came.   Then it seemed to happened when I thought about the tasks I had to do for the day or even my life.  Really God? You’re going to have me doing this, going here, doing that?  Why me? How am I going to do all you called me to do?  But by God’s grace I pushed past that. I was good.  I got it Lord. No fear. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13, NKJV).  I had licked this thing so i thought.  But then, more relentless.  More insidious. More forceful.  Suddenly everything seemed like a task and  everything brought on panic attacks.  I didn’t answer this text; I didn’t check in with this person; I have to call my family; I have to go there, finish this, do that.  My mind wandered and my body reacted to the most irrational thoughts.  I couldn’t sleep, I was tired and I couldn’t take anymore.  I mentioned it to a few folks–casually threw out a “yall pray for me” and tried to downplay it.  I prayed, I rebuked and demanded that this thing called panic go! Get out of my life.  It seemed to get a little better, but this time the devil was stubborn and was hell bent on not budging.

Hmm…alright.  New month.  My fasting the first 3 days  should take care of this.  Day 1 and 2, it seemed this thing is getting worse instead of better. Lord…don’t you see what’s going on? Don’t you see me fasting and praying?  By the morning of the third day, I literally thought something was squeezing me.  Waves of pressure and panic seized me intermittently.  I had 3 events that day and couldn’t go to the first because I felt so sick.  With tears pouring down my face, I cried out to the Lord that August 3  and said “Lord I need You. I am tired of feeling this way.  I can’t do this without You.” That was all my Father needed to hear.  One of His dependents was crying out to Him and He wasn’t having it.

You see, in this world where independence is esteemed, encouraged and exalted, dependency is viewed as a sign of weakness.  Women boast of being financially independent of men, children eager to taste adulthood strive to  move independent of their parents and every one wants to be their own boss.  But I am not ashamed to say that I am absolutely dependent on HIM.  When we humble ourselves and realize we are truly nothing without God, that  His strength is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9) and that He is looking “….to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him…” (2 Chronicles 16:9, NKJV), then we will really learn to lean on and trust  in Him.  You see dependency brings deliverance; dependency brings breakthrough; dependency shatters bondages and breaks every chain.

How can I articulate the  awesomeness and sovereignty of God ?  How absolutely NOTHING escapes Him?  How my last blog post “Remember My Chains” unbeknownest to me, was a prophetic plea for my own struggles? How God remembered my chains and arranged the entire weekend to break them just because He loves me?  How I called Dr. Pat (Lunch Date With Jesus), that gifted praying intercessor who prayed for me on a non-prayer conference day?  How after her prayer, I had strength to attend the only event that I was ordained to attend out of 3:  an informal get-together with my fellow Greater Allen Haiti missionary team family.  How evangelist Caroline Clemmons, a mentor and guide to many did a praise dance and exercise to that encouraging song “Break Every Chain” that charged the atmosphere for praise, worship, warfare against the devil and ultimately ushered in the very presence of  God’s Holy Spirit? How all I could do was worship and bow in the presence of Jehovah Mephalti (the Lord my Deliverer) until I was weak and passed out, overwhelmed by the power of God as He broke the chains in my life and used others to intercede for me.  Chains were shattered all around the room that night.  God absolutely blew us away.  Words cannot articulate that experience.

Yet that wasn’t enough.   God loves to stun, shock and amaze. Jamaican people have a phrase that a certain person may be “extra.” Meaning extravagant, over the top, excessive. For me, God can never be too “extra.” His “extra”means extra favor,  extra blessings, extra mercy and extra grace.  Still reeling from the night before, the next day  the Reverend Terrence Mckinley Director of Ministries at Reid Temple AME North Campus who has  had such a positive influence on the lives of so many of us as the former young adult pastor of Greater Allen AME,  ends his powerful sermon on hope with an  altar call.  An altar call and a mighty prayer to the song”Break Every Chain”; the very song from the night before. The words that stuck out the most to me in that prayer? Something to the effect of ” don’t stop praising.  Your mind getting right and your heart getting regulated is in this praise.”  I was beside myself. God who am I that you are mindful of me?  God was saying it is finished. Signed, sealed and delivered.  There is nothing like the love of God.

So you see good people, we have to learn to develop a healthy and necessary dependency on God.  If He was filing taxes, could you be claimed as one of His dependents?  Those who learn to rely on Him won’t lack any good thing.  Because I learned to  depend on Him, yet still I rise….

With peace and blessings may you continue to rise always,


  1. Drew says:

    Thanks for sharing

  2. Nadine Riley says:

    Amen!! We serve a LIVING GOD. Our God is Awesome!!! He raise us up to stand on Mountains He raise us up to walk on stormy seas We are STRONG when we are on HIS SHOULDERS. He raise us up to Be More Than We Can Be!! I’m so Glad our Father is the KING of all kings..And we are his previous princes and princesses…We truly NEED our Father in ALL areas of our lives.. Too God be all the Glory… keep on rising. .

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