So this next blog represents a period of spiritual and emotional confusion for me.   I really felt uneasy about writing it for many reasons.  One of which is because it shows  me at a very vulnerable place.  Perhaps why the Lord would have me write it is because not only will it help someone else but help to bring complete healing to me in that tiny part where I probably still need it.  Here we go…

So I thought he was “the one.”  You know,  the one God had chosen just for me. Tall, handsome, seemingly honest, gentle, attentive.  He seemed to be a man of good character, hardworking and our purposes could have meshed.  Most importantly–He loved the Lord.  Whereas this was something I really didn’t care about before, as I had recommitted myself to Christ it was an absolute must.  No one is perfect—there were some  minor concerns.  But not anything major that seemed apparent to me. When we like somebody we find a way to explain away anything, won’t we? You know how it is.  Now I am not a person that shares my business with too many people ordinarily.  I wouldn’t even say I have a best friend. I have a few close friends, friends,  many associates–but not a best friend.  Well earthly friend anyway. Depending on the stage of my life I have been in, there are different people I have confided in about different things.  Uncharacteristically, I spoke to  quite a few people about this particular person and our dating situation.  That was probably mistake #1.   Too many opinions and too many voices instead of listening to God’s still small voice.  At one point I didn’t know what to think. Depending on who I spoke with there were basically 3 types of reactions:   there were those who discerned immediately that something was not right based on wisdom or  what they felt in their spirit; there were those who didn’t say much but had a watch and see attitude and  finally  there was the 1 or 2  who thought this person was the one for me.   Long story short, he was not what he presented himself to be.  He was dishonest, deceptive and not someone I would want in my life.  What the bible calls an angel of darkness disguised as an angel of light.  Now  my intention is not to bash or criticize anyone in writing this.  I am not without sin, so I have no business casting any stone. I can only pray for this individual and keep it moving.  But the lessons I learned from this one situation are lifelong and priceless.

You see, because I wanted this relationship to work badly and was trying to force my own plan instead of really taking time to discern what was God’s will, it was a prime opportunity for the devil to come in and cause complete chaos and confusion. Needless to say I didn’t heed the warnings of those who opposed the relationship.  I thought they were being negative. I wanted to hear and see what I wanted to hear and see.    As a matter of fact, once I saw that certain people weren’t on board I confided in them less and talked to those who agreed with me more.  Perhaps if I had listened to them from the beginning as the Lord maybe was warning me through them, I may have avoided some of the headache and heartache I endured.  Secondly, I was relatively young in my walk with Christ so  I naively thought because the friends who agreed with me  had a prophetic gift, that they must be right (this whole thing with prophecy is another topic). That they most certainly must know what they are talking about.  This person had a dream or a vision or this thing was said prophetically in prayer–for me it could only mean they were confirming what is true.    But I Peter 5:8 says “be sober, be vigilant;  because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking who he may devour”(NKJV).   Now do I think these friends are evil  or maliciously meant to steer me in the wrong direction?  Do I blame them for what happened? Absolutely not.  Now don’t get me wrong–for a while I wrestled with why some of the things that were said to me were said if it seemed God was saying this is not the person.  But, I truly believe that their intentions were pure and they were well meaning in what they shared with me.  Maybe they just wanted to see me happy, are still maturing in their prophetic gifts, who knows.  But I don’t knock them.  These are still very good friends of mine, they are powerful women of God and I have learned from them in many ways.    But you see the enemy can work through anyone–friends, family, husband, employer, me, you–anyone, even unintentionally.  The devil does study us to know our areas of weakness and can play on our desires.  Although I was not actively looking for  someone, maybe in my subconsciously hoping for that life mate to come along, the devil created a situation where there was deception and poor judgement on many levels.  It was my responsibility to seek God first for His instruction, guidance and wisdom on the situation.  No one else.

Secondly, we cannot rely on others to be responsible for us.   In Matthew 26 just prior to Jesus being betrayed by Judas and turned over to the Jews for crucifixion, Jesus went to Gethsemane to pray and took 3 of his close disciples, in other words his close friends with him.  Being distressed he asked them to  “…Stay here and watch with me” (Matthew 26:38, NKJV).  But the bible further goes on to say when he was done praying, “then He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, “What! Could you not watch with Me one hour? (Matthew 26:40).

When the Lord showed me this scripture, it gave me such clarity.  It spoke 2 things to me.  One was that Jesus had to stay awake for himself.  If Jesus’s disciples who walked with the great Messiah daily and did great things by his power,  couldn’t stay awake for him,  did I really expect my friends to be completely vigilant for me or have all the answers? I am not saying God doesn’t send people to accompany us and help us along the way.  I have some wonderful people in my life–friends, family, spiritual mentors, etc.  But ultimately we have to be intentional and proactive about watching for ourselves and ask God to grant us the grace to decipher the plot and schemes of the enemy in all forms.  Secondly, it just highlighted the fact that Jesus is truly the only person we can completely depend on.  Notice in the scenario above that Jesus was the only person that stayed awake.  It is as true for us today as it was back in Gethsemane.   No one will be as watchful for you or defend you like Jesus:  no friend, no family, no pastor, no mentor.  He will be more vigilant for you than you are for yourself.  He will stay  awake even when you fall asleep.  He will never fail or steer you wrong.

This situation also really emphasized  that in everything, I mean everything I must seek God’s guidance.  Even down to who I should take counsel from and when.   Sure I had heard this before.  Hearing it is one thing, but living it really made it so much more clear.  Not because people are close to you means you are meant to share everything with them.  There are some things that are not meant to be shared with anyone.  Things that should stay between you and God. He wants you to share every detail of your life with Him anyway. He wants to be your best friend.  Now, before I talk to anyone about anything, I try to make it a habit to talk to God first.  He is my best friend.  He is the best counselor and His wisdom is unparalleled.  Next, there are some things that are meant to be shared only at a particular time.  When God instructs you in His perfect timing.   Lastly, God will instruct you on  who to share with.  Interestingly,  one of the friends who initially thought this person was right for me, eventually said that she felt the Lord saying to not discuss this situation any further with anyone, even her herself, unless He leads me!  Apparently the Holy Spirit began to show her something too.  She never asked me about him again except to say maybe he wasn’t the right person and to be sure about what I was feeling.  God is amazing that way. I still didn’t even listen completely to that initially, but eventually I got it.  Eventually we all saw that this person was not true.  The Lord may not have you share something with certain people if they are not equipped, mature or  in the right place spiritually, emotionally, morally, etc. to counsel someone on that particular issue and vice versa.  There may be things that should not be shared with you because you are not quite there yet to advise others on that situation.  We all have areas, myself included where we are lacking and need to grow.  But it is through our trials and difficulties, even self-inflicted, we grow.

I could write probably 10 posts alone in regards to all that I learned through this experience.  If led I will share more another time.  I don’t know who the one is for me and thank God I have reached a place where I really am not concerned.  Although it seems this person is not the one and despite how hurtful it may have been,  through this experience I have strengthened my prayer life, matured spiritually and gained valuable insight and knowledge that I never had before.  My spiritual eyes were opened and I began to recognize when God was speaking and when He was not speaking. I learned to ignore the idle talk and not jump based on emotion.  The bible says “ALL things work together for the good of those who love him…”  This was truly the case for me.

In life you may fall sometimes to ultimately rise higher.  The key is that you must  be determined to get back up again.  I know I am….and yet still I rise….

With peace and blessings may you continue to rise always,

stillirise323

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Comments
  1. Drew says:

    Great insight… thank you for sharing.

  2. Shanell says:

    This post is so true on so many levels, but one statement that sticks out to me and is something I am learning with time:
    ‘The devil does study us to know our areas of weakness and can play on our desires.’
    The Devil is not only studying, he has many Master students out there working for him, so we definitely need to keep our eyes open

    Great Post. I look forward to more.

    Shanell

    • Thanks so much Shannell for your support. All praises to God. Absolutely the devil def has his those who he uses. Will definitely be talking about that in a future post. Thanks for the confirmation 🙂 God bless you

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